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Text File  |  2023-02-26  |  16KB  |  472 lines
  1.  
  2.     The Underground Proudly Presents:
  3.             A RIB Production
  4.                 'Spinach'
  5.       A ST:TNG Parody Of 'Schisms'
  6.    Brought To You By The Forgotten One
  7. {SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}
  8.                 Scene I                
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  10. (Riker Is Awakening)
  11. Riker:Ah what a great dream, I feel
  12. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} like I didn't even have a minute
  13. of sleep! Just the way I like it!<hic>
  14. Weird..I haven't had the hiccups in
  15. years..oh well..
  16. Picard:Picard to Riker please come to
  17. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} the bridge please.
  18. Riker:What For?
  19. Picard:I'm your superior officer, I'm
  20. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} I'm Ordering You to.
  21. Riker:I know who you are, I mean why do
  22. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} you need on the bridge?
  23. Picard:So I can slack off in my ready
  24. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} room while you do any work
  25.        Needed.
  26. Riker:Good Reason.
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  28.                Scene ][                
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  30. (On The Bridge)
  31. Data: Mr. Riker, you seem to have a
  32. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}  green stain on your shirt, is
  33. there reason behind this?
  34. (Riker looks down and shakes his head)
  35. Riker:Strange.. I didn't even eat this
  36. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} morning..and not only that..I
  37.       Feel full!
  38. Picard:Strange. Great. Figure it out
  39. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} while I go sleep in my ready
  40. room.(Picard leaves)
  41. Data: Perhaps you slept on green silly
  42. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}  Putty, and when you got up you
  43. had a stain.
  44. Ro:   Or maybe a vulcan sneaked into
  45. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}    your cabin silently and bled onto
  46.       your shirt!
  47. Geordi:Or maybe you've been a victim to
  48. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} a psycho mutant ninja turtle
  49. that rubbed it's body all over yours in
  50. the night!
  51. All But Worf: What!?
  52. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  53. Geordi:It could happen!..not that it's
  54. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} ever..happened to me..
  55. Ensign Sombody: Maybe it's from that
  56. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} green stuff that's
  57. Hanging from your lip.
  58.  
  59. Troi: Ewww...
  60. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  61. Riker:Hey yeah! Let's go have Dr.
  62. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} Crusher run an analysis on it!
  63. All Of Us!
  64. (And they all left!)
  65. (Suddenly Picard comes out!)
  66. Picard:Hey..where is everyone? Oh no!
  67. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} I can't run the bridge all by
  68. myself augh-I'll have to call down for
  69. replacements..
  70.  
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  72.               Scene ]I[                
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  74. (In Dr. Crusher's office, Crusher is
  75. Looking at the sample under a
  76. microscope)
  77. Crusher:Yep..it's definately green...
  78. Riker:What could it be from?
  79. Crusher:One of many things..perhaps..
  80. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} Vulcan blood?
  81. Ro:   Nyah nyah!
  82. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  83. Crusher: Or who knows? Wait a minute..
  84. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  85. (Crusher tastes it)
  86. Crusher:Yum..takes like Spinach!
  87. All But Worf:SPINACH!?
  88. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  89. Crusher:Yeah..What did you have for
  90. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} dinner last night Mr. Riker?
  91. Riker:Umm..A tuna salad sandwich?
  92. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  93. Data: How strange indeed! What could
  94. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}  have ever gotten this spinach on
  95. your shirt?
  96. (Meanwhile on the bridge, Picard has
  97. problems of his own)
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  99.                Scene IV                
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  101. Picard:NO NO NO!! Guinan I said take a
  102. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} LEFT at the star colony!
  103. AHHHHHHGGGGGHHHHH!!!
  104. Guinan:I'm trin I'm tryin!!
  105. (Suddenly the Enterprise collides with
  106. A small asteroid belt.)
  107. O'Brien:Agh! It's really hard to work
  108. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} the weapons console when we
  109. keep hitting these stellar objects!
  110. hint HINT!
  111. Guinan:Go easy on me! I'm drunk!
  112. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  113. Riker:Riker to bride! What's going ON
  114. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} up there?
  115. Picard:Er well...you took my entire
  116. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} bridge crew! So I had to work
  117. with what I had! O'brien at weapons,
  118. Guinan at navigtion, and Columbus at
  119. helm, hey wait a sec, how did you get
  120. there?
  121. Columbus:I claim this helm for SPAIN!
  122. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  123. (Columbus implodes)
  124. Picard:Oh great now I need another
  125. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} helmsman!
  126. Riker:Just try not to shake us up too
  127. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} much please Sir!  We're tring To
  128. figure out a mystery about Spinach.
  129. Picard:About Spinach? This better be
  130. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} good.
  131. Ensign Scaredtodeath:AGGH! we're ALL
  132. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} GONNA DIE!!!!
  133. Picard:Shut up Ensign! You're making us
  134. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} all nervous!
  135. Ensign Depressed:What does it matter?
  136. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} The universe is just
  137. one cataclysmic funeral in itself!
  138. Picard:And you! Can it and go back to
  139. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} your job!
  140. Depressed:What's my job?
  141. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  142. Picard:Your're the Sanitation Officer!
  143. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  144. Depressed:No wonder I'm so depressed!
  145. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  146. Picard:It could be worse, you could be
  147. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} Wesley!
  148. Wesley:I heard that!
  149. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  150. Guinan:Oh great!  Now you've summoned
  151. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} him!
  152. Wesley:Speak my name and I shall
  153. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} appear! The curse of the
  154. annoying schmuck is upon you as of now!
  155. (Suddenlt Q appears)
  156. Q:    Ah now another to torment you
  157. {CBM-T}     with!!
  158. All:  NO!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!
  159. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}   (Q Disappears Laughing)
  160. Picard:Enough! Now, Mr. Riker, what's
  161. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} story with the spinach?
  162. Riker:We're trying to figure how
  163. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} Spinach got on my shirt!
  164. Ro:   He went to bed with his shirt
  165. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}    Fine and woke up with it green!
  166. Picard:What could have caused this
  167. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} horror?
  168. Data: Perhaps that nude woman I saw
  169. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}  Walking into Mr. Rikers's Cabin
  170. brought spinach?
  171. Riker:She did not! That was talc!
  172. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  173. Ro:   Maybe It's a devious alien plot!!
  174. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  175. Picard:YES! Perhaps aliens sucked Riker
  176. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} from his cabin at night, then
  177. forced him to suck down loads of
  178. spinach in some devious experiment,
  179. knowing that if they could turn Riker
  180. Vegetarian they could eventually turn
  181. EVERYONE Vegetarian, hopefully
  182. Conquering the entire galaxy and making
  183. it no longer safe to eat meat!
  184. Riker:NO HAM!?
  185. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  186. Data: NO SPAM LITE!?!?
  187. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  188. Picard:I'm afraid not! It is indeed
  189. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} devious, for if we all become
  190. vegetarians the Klingon Empire will
  191. SURELY fall!
  192. Worf: <Grunt> What about prune juice?
  193. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  194. Ro:   Yeah, prunes are fruits not
  195. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}    Veggies, would he still be able
  196. to drink it? Or is it just meat?
  197. Picard:How the heck should I know? Make
  198. up one sarcastic theory and get that!
  199. Riker:No you may have an idea!
  200. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  201. Picard:Yeah! Now all we have to do is
  202. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} implant a special tracking
  203. device into your stomach so when the
  204. spinach hits we can track you and then
  205. beam you back! What a great idea!
  206. Worf: <Grunt> I'll have you know that I
  207. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}  am *NOT* a turnip.
  208. All:  Huh?!
  209. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  210. Worf: <Grunt> I needed a line.
  211. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  212. Geordi:This is too easy!
  213. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  214. Crusher:Why do you say that?
  215. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  216. Geordi:We've already figured out what
  217. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} we have to do and we're not even
  218. 216 lines into this thing! What's going
  219. on?
  220. Picard:Maybe we have an easy week!
  221. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} Maybe we finally get a break!
  222. Maybe Robert of RIB Incorporated
  223. decided to be nice and write a little
  224. short Episode so we can all go home and
  225. and roast weenies!
  226. (When suddenly, the Enterprise exploded
  227. ..Yes it *EX*ploded)
  228. Q:    Or maybe not.
  229. {CBM-T}
  230. {SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}
  231. Announcer:Star Trek, The Next
  232. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} Generation will return after
  233. these important and life threatening
  234. messages of great importance.
  235. (Suddenly a man walks in)
  236. Man<whispered>:We got a problem.
  237. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  238. Announcer:Whassat?
  239. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  240. Man:  The Enterprise just exploded!
  241. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}   How can we come back to the show
  242. if everyone's DEAD!?
  243. Announcer:Well maybe they're leading in
  244. for Deep Space 9!
  245. Man:  They have to be in the first DS9!
  246. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  247. They have a *CONTRACT*
  248. Announcer:Well maybe this is the
  249. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} greatest scheme to get out of
  250. a contract in the history of the
  251. universe!
  252. Man:  If so, I bet Robert will be angry
  253. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}   He's got these guys under
  254. contract for how long is it? The rest
  255. of their natural lives? Guess that
  256. problems over with...now to a commerial
  257. ...
  258. {SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}
  259. (We see Michael Jordan, shooting some
  260. hoops, after all what good is he for)
  261. Jordan:You know, I can't seem to sink
  262. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} anything today. I wonder what's
  263. wrong.
  264. (When suddenly Mr. Scott of the Star
  265. Ship Enterprise pops out!)
  266. Scotty:Why laddy it's your shoes! Ya
  267. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} can't make a shot if you've got
  268. bad shoes.
  269. Jordan:But I'm the best player in the
  270. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} world! I could make shots naked
  271. and upside down!!!!
  272. Scotty:Well don'ta blame a me! I'm just
  273. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} reading the cue card.
  274. Announcer:YES! Even MICHAEL JORDAN
  275. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} *HIMSELF* can't seem a shoot
  276. in these horrible imitation shoes. But
  277. with the pump, ...
  278. (Suddenly Larry King appears)
  279. King: Come on now! This getting
  280. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}  rediculous! We haven't even asked
  281. what his underwear size is.
  282. Scotty:It's a *SHOE* commercial!
  283. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  284. King: You can't very well walk around
  285. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}  with no underwear can you?
  286. (When suddenly Wesley appeared. Naked)
  287. Wes:  Guess again!
  288. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  289. All Present:AGGGGGH!!!!!!
  290. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  291. (when suddenly, a cruel twist of fate
  292. let a lightening strike and hit your
  293. Television set, or maybe that's just a
  294. pirate cutting in..)
  295. {SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}
  296. (We can see Robert struggling and then
  297. finally opening his eyes after a
  298. blisful slumber, he pops a
  299. Micro-Magic(TM) fry into his mouth and
  300. starts to talk to himself like the
  301. lunatic he is.)
  302. Robert:What an odd dream, me- Robert
  303. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} Brayer- writing Parodies. I'm an
  304. Accountant for heaven's sakes. We're
  305. NOT FUNNY!
  306. Announcer:The United Union Of Accounta-
  307. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} nts would like for the previ-
  308. ous crude remarks about our kind. We
  309. assure you that the horrible backtalk
  310. about our humour is merely exaggerated.
  311. Robert:Wait a second! That wasn't a
  312. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} dream! I always have cheesy
  313. apologies in my parodies! My Lord! I've
  314. gone and destroyed the Enterprise...The
  315. last guy that did that also killed
  316. Kirk's son...maybe if I kill Kirk..no..
  317. maybe if I stop doing so many cameos?
  318. (Everyone In The Universe): YEAAH!! GET
  319.  {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}  OUT OF THIS
  320. THING!
  321. Robert:Fine I'll just be here *WRITING*
  322. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} this thing! See if *I* care!
  323. (Robert disappears with a puff of pot,
  324. er smoke)
  325. Announcer:We at the National Associati-
  326. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} on against the mention of
  327. any sort of drug in humorous article
  328. would like to apologize for-
  329. Jordan:Hey man nice shoes!
  330. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  331. (Jordan grabs the shoes! He can dunk
  332. again!)
  333. Announcer:YES! With Dork-A-Dunk you too
  334. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} can dunk like Michael Jordan!
  335. It's because our shoes are remote cont-
  336. rol and if anyone gets in your way you
  337. can just press the patented 'kill your
  338. opponents' button and blast them into
  339. the far reaches of space! Cuz with
  340. DORK A DUNK-
  341. Scotty & Jordan:You will *NOT* Implode.
  342. {SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}
  343.                  Scene V               
  344. {SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}
  345. Picard:Was that my imagination or did
  346. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} we just all die in a horrible
  347. unexplained explosion?
  348. Riker:Probably your imagination, Robert
  349. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} would only IMPLODE Not explode...
  350. it's against his nature.
  351. (We hear load snickering that quickly
  352. goes away)
  353. Data: Ok so let us do our job..
  354. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  355. (They all leave and enter Riker's
  356. cabin)
  357. {SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}
  358.        Scene VI- (RIKER'S CABIN)       
  359. {SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}
  360. Ro:   What are all these pictures of
  361. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}    nude women doing on these walls?
  362. Why am *I* one of them!!?!? HEY!!!
  363. Riker:Er...that's not you...that's your
  364. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} stunt double.
  365. Ro:   Oh ok, she's a slut anyhow.
  366. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  367. Troi: I haven't said it yet this parody
  368. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}  I'm due so just say it with me...
  369. All But WORF:HE'S HIDING SOMETHING!!!
  370. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  371. Riker:This time I am.  But it's just
  372. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} some toilet paper I left under
  373. the bed...
  374. Data: NO!!! You are giving me FLASHBAC-
  375. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}  KS!!
  376. Worf: <Groan> Me too..
  377. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  378. (Riker lies in bed)
  379. Riker:Now now..I'm going to try and
  380. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} sleep, does anyone want to sing
  381. me a lullaby?
  382. Worf: <Ahem>.... A one for the money..
  383. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}  <Grunt>
  384. Trio: NO! I want to make him watch
  385. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}  local television USED CAR Ads!
  386. Picard:Angry mob aren't we? Can't we
  387. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} just hit him over the head with
  388. sledge hammer?
  389. Crusher: I would just like to say..
  390. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} hey..who's running the bridge!?
  391. {SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}
  392.                 Scene VII              
  393. {SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}
  394. Guinan:Go left! NO! GO RIGHT!! AGHHH!
  395. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  396. Scaredtodeath:I'm doing the best I
  397. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} can.. but I'm..
  398. ssscarred...O'Brian: You would be to if you were in
  399. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} the Barbed Wire Of Death aster-
  400. oid Field.
  401. Scaredtodeath:(Faints) Ow.
  402. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  403. Guinan:Oh great there goes one of our
  404. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} only offivers, now Alexander
  405. will have to take the helm!
  406. Alexander:I'm only 6! Er 10! Whatever,
  407. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} I grow fast in this thing!
  408. Guinan:So you're better then..the alte-
  409. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} rnative...
  410. All:  You don't mean?
  411. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  412. Guinan:Yes.
  413. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  414. All:  It can't be!
  415. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  416. Guinan:Yes!
  417. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  418. All:  Who!!??
  419. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  420. Guinan:Weenie Of Borg.
  421. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  422. Weenie:YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED! YOU
  423. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} WILL BE FORCED TO LEARN TO SPELL
  424. ASSYMILIATED CORRECTLY!
  425. Alexander:Ok ok, I'm going already...
  426. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} What does this button do..?
  427. All:  NO!!!
  428. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  429. Alexander:Neat.
  430. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  431. Computer:Ship will self-destruct in 2
  432. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} Minutes. Put your head between
  433. your legs and kiss-
  434. Picard:What in Roddenberry's name is
  435. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} going on up there!?
  436. Guinan:We're going to become space dust
  437. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} in 2 minutes.
  438. Picard:Oh ok.. it already happened once
  439. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} today, how bad could it be?
  440. Riker:I'm trying to SLEEP here!
  441. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  442. Ro:   Oh sorry.
  443. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  444. {SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}
  445.                Scene VIII              
  446. {SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}{SHIFT-*}
  447. (In Riker's dream sequence)
  448. Riker:lallala...what a beautiful day..
  449. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} ....Aggh!!!
  450. (Suddenly big ugly aliens drag Riker
  451. off and strap him into a chair)
  452. Riker:What are you doing to me!?
  453. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}
  454. (The aliens force him down a row of
  455. various salads and salad dressings,
  456. right as he passes the broccoli he scr-
  457. eams. Riker is then beamed out, and of
  458. course the entire place explodes)
  459.  
  460. Picard:I'm like to applaud this Parody
  461. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} for having 2 explosions and very
  462. few implosions and end it with a sad
  463. note, it seems Michael Jordan can still
  464. dunk even without good shoes.  We'd
  465. like to apologize to our sponsors for
  466. shooting us!
  467.  
  468. Announcer:Our Next Episode Will Be
  469. {CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T}{CBM-T} Entitled 'Q-Shoe' I Hope Ya
  470. Enjoyed This One Cuz There's More Ta
  471. Come!{CBM-+}
  472.